Most of the Tinder matches I get use this as their opening line. For a really long time, I thought that these people were using it as a mere pickup line of sorts (even in that case, this line is shitty). Anyway, looks like I was wrong. When I was talking to a bunch of my male buddies (or rather while trying to use their Tinder purely for academic research), I realized that men don’t have it as easy as women. While almost every right swipe of mine ended up as a match, it wasn’t the same for most guys. Even over using it for close to a year or two, many men had only 5-10 matches (and I am quoting the upper end here). If you are a NRI/traveller, who swipes in multiple locations, you are exempted. So, now we get back to the question “Does Tinder really work?”
When my friends and acquaintances (even Tinder matches) complained that they hardly have any matches at all, I was wondering who we girls are getting matched with. If you already don’t know, on an average, a girl, who is decently active on Tinder, has somewhere between 300-500 matches. This is when you consciously swipe not more than 10 people a day. With all these eyeballing and some hands down experience, here is what I found out about the whole “Does Tinder Work” fiasco.
1. The gender ratio is skewed (not just in Tinder)
There is an interesting novella by a good friend and author, Karthik Pasupathy, “The Extra Men.” He addresses the most “existential” problem – Most of the men are single, but most of the women are committed. So, who are these women committed to? Well, the book explores it in with a hint of magical realism/science-fiction. However, in reality, this gender ratio difference still baffles me. Take any place, for instance, a pub or a theatre, the number of men is definitely more than women present there. And this ratio difference hits sky high in socializing events, like secret parties, Quora/Book/Board Game meetups, speed dating events, etc. Trust me, I have been to most of these events and sometimes, I am the only girl, or one of the 2-3 girls present in a fully testosterone charged area. Likewise, in Tinder, as I said before girls have matches in 2-4 digits, while most men might have only 2-4 in total.
2. Y U No Reply?
If you still didn’t understand why you don’t get replies, it’s not because you are boring or the girl has a pricey attitude (both of which can be true as well), but mostly because she wakes up to at least 30-40 Good Morning and Sup? messages. It’s humanely not possible to respond to every single Good Mornings and How you doing? messages.
Now, this is where some people think that they are extraordinarily brilliant and use random pickup lines from Internet or from their over enthusiastic brain. LOL, that’s so not gonna work, bro! If you are using a pickup line based on her picture or bio, trust me, she would have got the same pickup line from 10 others, at least. Yes, the most common line I get are “Are you as angelic as your hair?” “Can you fly because I heard angels can fly.” And random other cringeworthy, overkill pickup lines. DON’T DO IT!
3. Bios and DP to the rescue
Now, you may ask me, “I shouldn’t use used pickup lines. I shouldn’t send Good Mornings. What should I send then?” Well, if you have a decently good-looking set of pictures and an honest, smart, and slightly witty bio, there are high chances that the girl might ping you first. Take it from there. Or, you can even start with a simple, “Hey, there!” or “Hello!” and the chances of you receiving a reply or even ending up dating this person is higher than someone who has a crappy or no bio.
Do you want me to tell the tips and tricks for writing a kickass bio that works? Let me know in PM or comments, I will do it as a separate blog with examples on what works and what doesn’t.
4. Don’t use those grinding-each other GIPHYs or those creepy heart reacts
Tinder, probably, created that creepy reacts to help girls unmatch and filter out guys who use it. Well, I totally understand that Tinder, at its crux, is a hook-up app. However, that’s not what everyone uses it for, fortunately or unfortunately. Some people claim to use it for friendship (oh God, let’s not go there) and some say they are looking for serious relationships (again, wait what?) But, removing my “I am judging” hat, I would like to say that anything is possible. If two people just want a one night stand, who are we to judge and if two people want to get married, who are we to judge unless of course, we can judge if their wedding lunch is bad. My point here is: decide why you are using Tinder and put it on the bio. “Not looking for hook-ups.” “Here for casual dating.” “Here for flings.” “Looking to date someone.” “Just going with the flow.” This helps you in the longer run, as mostly the like-minded ones swipe you right. So, you don’t have to spend time on sending those grinding GIPHYS or pathetic A-Jokes to know if she will sleep with you or not.
5. Tinder is not real life
Yes, literally, the whole world is not Tinder. However, that doesn’t mean Tinder is real life. Of course, you can try your luck with it, but if you still feel unsuccessful or bored with the Tinder culture, go out and meet people in real. Trust me, some of the best people in my life are the ones I am not connected or met via social media.
So, that’s it for this article today. I am planning to a series on Tinder and dating apps. What would you want to see next? Do you want to know about the paid version of Tinder or about how to write kickass bios? Comment below or PM me.