“If I had met you before I met him, I’d have proposed to you, by now,” I said.
“And, if I had met you before I met her, I’d have proposed to you the next day I met you,” he added.
No, we are not two people who are in a relationship with two other people and in love with each other, at the same time. We are two people who are dating and very much exclusive. By now, you would have guessed that the He & She are our exes.
Do you remember your first love? No, not that little crush you had on that cute guy/girl in your grade 2 (Judge me all you want; I had my first crush when I was in grade 2). By first love, I meant the first mutual love – the anytime chatting, late night sexting, planned dating, and what not? Do you remember the first time you felt naked in front of someone? Both your body and mind shed its clothing and inhibitions for the first time! Ha, who am I asking? No one can forget their firsts! First kisses, first love, first quickie, first sex – although it is overrated, isn’t it the most poignant thing ever?
Now, are you married or still in love with that one person? If you raised your hand, congratulations, you get the green eye from all the rest of us. Are you going through your first breakup? Relax, you’re going to be fine. We’re all been there, done that.
First love is something so innocent like an infant. Yes, I made that comparison. It is beautiful and innocent like a baby, but you know what, it is as demanding as a baby. No matter, how sensible your relationship is, there would be a constant demanding for attention from the other person. Oh, no, do not nod and start playing the victim card. Your ex might also be reading this and nodding. In most cases, the demand for attention would have been mutual.
First love is full of promises. Yes! Do you remember discussing the name of your kids or the wall color of your future house after marriage? Depending on which stage your relationship was, we all would have done that. But, for most of us, none of those came true, isn’t it? After all, promises are meant to be broken. She would have promised to quit work for a year and take care of the baby. He would have promised to cut out his me-time and be an involved parent. Thinking now, will you do it? Things as matured as parenting were promised by us when we were 21 or lesser, but now, at mid or late 20s, you might still wonder if you are responsible enough to be allowed to have a pet.
First love is perfect, or tries to be perfect. Yes, you were yourself with the other person – no lies, no faking (until of course, you got bored with the act & you had to). However, things were perfect. After those fights and arguments, there was make-up sex. After missed plans, there were tons of convincing and pampering.
First love was energetic. Yes, you spent a fair amount of time on phone calls. Most of the time, you skipped sleeping all night just to hear your girl talk about some random girl in her class or just you hear your guy compliment your looks for a zillionth time now. It was all worthy. Right now, are you willing to spend even one sleepless night?
You might be in a happy relationship now: love, fling, friends-with-benefits, or just a platonic relationship. Or you might be happily single too. But, does that mean your first love was so great or your first love was the reason you became emotion less? No, our first love is a lesson in disguise.
First loves are always beautiful and memorable, but the best part about the first love is that they are the best lessons that life can teach you. You stopped being an attention seeker for you know how irritating one can be when they are clingy; you never promise things that you know is not in your hands: even if you marry, what’s the probability that you guys are gonna have kids? So you keep an open mind for a surprising future; you try to invest time in avoiding fights rather than investing in resolving them; you spend some quality time with the other, than spending all your time with them. You grew!
Mind is a monkey, and sometimes you might miss being center of someone’s world or being pampered. Sometimes, heart yearns for those promises despite being in a happy relationship now, but remember that you are not searching for a replacement or betterment. Relationship is not a spare part of a vehicle to replace or a smartphone to upgrade. As I say always, it is inexplicable.
If you are in a happy relationship, live it to the fullest, for this person can be your soulmate or yet another lesson and memory: either way, only present is present. If you are in an unhappy relationship, resolve it or walk out, for life is too short to be bounded by mere attraction and attachment.
And one day, when you make peace with yourself and be the center of your own world, you might be able to look into your ex’s eyes and remember only the happy memories, and still have no regrets of breaking up.