For those who were wondering why I haven’t traveled, reviewed, or blogged yet, here is the news, “I’m getting hitched!!!!!”
Lolz. Just kidding. Call me commitment phobic, I don’t care, but no, I am not getting hitched. The news is I am sick. Both are pretty much the same thing, I guess. Anyway, lemme not start a war. So, as I gobble those numerous scary looking tiny monsters (pills) and live on soups and teas, I felt that I’m going mad! That’s when I thought, OKAY, LET ME WRITE! But, what should I WRITE? Let me write about this little moron and his family. Who is the moron? And what’s the story about his family?
It starts like this…. There is this tiny prick called throat infection that slowly creeps in, and you think, it’s okay, he is there because you spoke a lot, and then you drink hot water. However, it starts pricking you more & urging you to drink cold water. That’s where one needs to be careful, you drink cold water & you are ruined. Slowly, it leads to blocked nose, a lil bit of dry cough. Here’s where mom comes to rescue with salt water gargling & lots of tea, 30% of the time moms win, but rest of the times, these morons cheat our mom. They look like they gonna subside, but they don’t. Right after you mom gives a huge sigh of relief and goes to bed, the internal attack starts. It would be this hard war between your immune system and the bacteria that caused those throat infections at the first place. Trust me, this war looks exactly like CSK vs. MI. Initially, you have this weird, unbreakable belief that CSK (the immune system) is gonna beat the crap out of MI (the bacteria), but little did you know that MI emerges stronger than ever, and puts your CSK to shame. Trust me, CSK, i.e. your immune system, doesn’t fail always. It wins when it is just another day of your life, it wins when the next day is a marriage you don’t want to attend, it wins when it’s a Monday the next day and you have numerous sick leaves left. So, you can ask me when CSK will lose. It loses on crucial days, like when you manage to go out with your crush, when you have your best friend’s wedding, when all your friends plan a booze party, or when you have a non-refundable round trip, all expenses booked tickets to some country or city that you always wanted to visit. Yeah, you get the picture now, right?
Now, what happens after this immune system failing against those tiny morons? Well, here is the “unwanted guest” scenario. Till the previous day, you would have had only throat infection and dry cough. Your mom would have decked your bedside table with hot water, Benadryl dry cough syrup, and stepsils (Wow, the rose and blue flavors :O ). However, just like your math exam, where you get only unexpected, unseen questions, this throat infection suddenly brings its unexpected relatives, i.e. the cold, the running nose, the cold cough, and the MIGHTY FEVER. Mom freaks! Makes you cancel your travel plans or whatever. You can’t call your boss because you might have called him last week to tell that you are sick, while you actually were watching MAD MAX RUSH in theaters. You contemplate on what to do, but before you could think something, this fever would have taken over you.
If you had thought that it’s the last stage, then you are wrong, for this is the initial stage. Now there are two ways to resolve this.
Route 1: 1 week procedure
Here, you go to the old physician’s clinic nearby your home. There, your mom explains what you are undergoing to her/him (don’t bother if it’s her/him, most of the times they are 60+ and the rest of the times they are 70+). You see your mom speak so fast that you think that she should become a running commentator. Trust me, my mom will be 1000 times better than Siddhu Paaji. When the doctor seems to touch your neck, forehead, and what not, you wonder where the hell are those 200/200 guys (or girls, based on your preference) who cracked all the medical entrances 8 to 12 years back. After some consented molestation/strangling (no offence) you end up getting either an injection and medicines or a few medicines alone. Anyway, it takes one whole week for you to get rid of the fever and its relatives. By the time you come out of the clinic, your wallet would weigh less and suddenly that Levi’s-jeans-buying-plan of yours seem to fade away.
Route 2: Mom’s way – 7 Days!
Your mom after insisting you so much to visit thee doc, finally gives up and puts you into the 7-day-torture plan. It starts with drinking ginger-lemon-clove tea in the morning and ends with strangling you next to a pot of steaming hot water by putting a blanket on top of you. These methods provides relief better than route one, but it needs religious following of all those 198760 (random number) steps involved in it.
So, no matter you choose route one or two, you end up with a fixed, staple diet.
It consists of BREAD, BREAD, and MORE BREAD!
If you are a south Indian, especially a Tamizhan, Idly & Rasam (south Indian style soup) comes to your rescue.
Your diet would be Idly, Idly with rasam, Idly with mel rasam (the watery part of the rasam), Idly with adi rasam (the thicker part of rasam), and Idly with melagu-jeera rasam (cumin-pepper rasam).
After 2-3 days, you realize that you haven’t washed your hair or your body too in case of unbearable temperatures. Somehow you manage to bath in the hot water (that comes in taps directly in Chennai without a need of geyser). However, your hair, what will you do with it. If you are a guy or a short-haired girl, you can get away with a hairspray or serum. If you are a girl cursed with long-thick hair like mine, bun is the only rescue. No not the bun that you happened to eat all along, the hair bun!
When you get sorted with body odor and hair odor, the next comes mouth. Your mouth has this weird smell – the smell of antibiotics coupled with mucous and some alcohol (nah, not the drinks, it’s the cough syrup). No matter what you try, you can’t get rid of it. However, you can subside it by drinking hot rasam every now and then. Finally, after 3 to 4 days, you would be able to walk fine and feel that your body temperature is back to normal, and your throat & nose gets cleared, but that’s not all. You will start spitting mucous. If you had taken route 1, well and good at this stage as your mucous that was caused due to cold can be shitted out. If you had followed route 2, the mucous should be spitted and blew out from your nose. Here again, when you want to blew, it comes via spitting. When you are in washroom and want to spit, it comes via your nose. At this stage, even idly, bread, and rasam can’t help you.
Exactly at the end of Day 7, just like Maa Durga (on the ninth day of Durga pooja) or like Ganesha (after 10 days of Ganesh chathurthi), the throat infection along with its relatives fever, cold, running nose, mucous, dry cough, and cold cough go away.
Cheers! You survived the ordeal. An ordeal as scary and as chaotic as Runescape (a game that my brother and I used to play in our teens).
Finally, you get to say bye-bye (on the face) to the ordeal, the whole bunch of these guests will be like, “Bye” and then they add, “I am just joking” Yeah, they are back into your house because your sibling, spouse or dad would be sick now!
Happy combating against cold!